Diseased
by AllisonxKleery
Summary: It's a diesease. It grows inside of me, lives inside of me, breathes inside of me. It's a monster - eating me apart.
1. The Beginning Of The Monster

_Chapter 1. _

When did I become like this? This..._thing_ I'm staring at. When did I become like this? I wasn't like this. I loved myself, I loved my life. How did this happen? How could I have let this happen? What is _wrong_ with me?

"Alex, honey?" Mom's voice speaks from outside the door.

Crap.

I remove my fingers from my throat, flush the toilet, and fluff my hair before opening the door to see Mom standing there. Her hair is pulled back into a slobby-looking ponytail. I smile at her.

"Yeah?"

Her eyes bleed with sadness. She swallows roughly. "Would - would you care to come to the store with me?"

I nod, cooly take out a piece of gum and slip it in my mouth. Partly so she can't smell the vomit and my chummy breath. "Sure. Meet you out in the car."

She forces a small smile onto her lips and I slip away from her into my room. I shut the door, leaning against it and sighing. It feels so good to sigh...to exhale all of the stress, all of the bad feelings inside. Mom hasn't been the 'norm' for the past couple of months. I don't think any of us have.

I grab my hoodie and slip it over me. It's warm and it smells like cigars. His minty, black cigars. I love _that_ smell. I reach for my brush, and comb through my straight black hair. I stash the clumps that fall out in my ziploc baggy and then shove that underneath my dresser. What's happening?

**A Word From The Author:** Let me know what you think. I was just playing with words that's all. Anyway, I inted for chapters to be alot longer. Don't worry, I am still with my _Today_ friends and chapter 18 should be finished shortly.

Leave your thoughts.

xoAllison


	2. Spaghetti Noodles

_Chapter 2._

"Buckle up." She tells me, pulling out of our apartment complex and into the street. I sigh and do as I'm told.

Her knuckles are white as she clenches the steering wheel. Her eyes stare blankly ahead at the swooshing windsheild wipers and rain slapping the windows. She doesn't look my mom, not the sweet loving lady that I grew up to know. And then again, I don't look anything like Alex anymore either.

I want to reach over to her, touch her shoulder and comfort my dying mother but I don't. I can't, it feels so impossible. So I just slump into my seat, close my eyes and listen to the rain.

--

The food is gross. The sauce is meaty, the noodles soft and buttery. It makes my stomach twist and turn and I feel nauseaos. I can't find the strength to pick up my fork and slide just one, _one_ measly noodle into my dry mouth, hungry mouth. I am starving I haven't aten in what's felt like weeks. And I can't.

Justin is eating and eating. Shoving that fattening food into his mouth without remorse and same with Max. I grimace at their ignorance and my growling stomach.

My mother is looking at me with a very displeased look. I act like I don't notice because she's no idiot and I'm sure she's noticed how baggy my clothes are getting and my now thin and coarse hair. She let's her fork clatter to her plate with a bang and folds her napkin in her lap very neatly.

"Alex, is there something wrong with the way I've prepared your dinner?" She asks. Her voice is hard and mean. She doesn't sound like my sweet mother I've always known.

I just stare at my plate, wishing I had the courage to eat.

She sniffs and clacks her tongue. "I asked you a question and I expect an answer."

I can't form the words. There isn't anything wrong with her spaghetti..it smells so good. It's not like I can't tell her the truth - I'm no good at lying. So I just shrug my shoulders biting my lower lip nervously as she glares at me with heated intensity.

"Excuse yourself to your room, please."

Max and Justin have stopped shoving food into their mouth enough to look shamefully up at me, but not making full eye contact. I grab my plate and shove it into the sink, then trudge my way to my room and collapse on the bed, shutting myself away from the world..

**Author's Note:** Hello all. I've been away for what seems like a lifetime at least to me. I'm very, truthfully sorry for that but I will admit, that I have had a severe case of writer's block on this story as well as Today. I love writing on fanfiction absolutely. Even if I got no reviews I would still write on here because I simply love to do it. I'm taking a writing class to help me ''get back on the horse''. It's working, slowly, and I am coming back to both of these stories. I have an idea for where I want this to go.. I know it's short and not much of a ''comeback'' but if it helps any, I have five more chapters finished and ready to go and they're full of length, crying, depression, blood and guts all that juicy stuff. (:

So please, if you could forgive me for being absent for such a while..leave a review if you'd like.


	3. Black

_Chapter 3._

It's morning, early, I suppose. I'm wanting to sleep. I'm wanting my eyes to close and my mind to blank into the serene black silence that I await every night. I throw my bicep over my eyes and sigh. I bite my lip...begging for sleep to come.

I turn on my side.

You know what's funny?

I turn on my other side.

My whole life has always been 'Alex's way or the highway', at least that's how Max puts it. I've always gotten everything I've wanted with the snap of my finger. I was..I was used to that, the easy life. I was used to being spoiled, having everything I wanted _when_ I wanted.

Now, I don't have that - I _can't_ have that. And you know what else? I can't deal with not having things my way. I want to curl up into a ball and cry because nothing is the way it is supposed to be, the way it should be, the way I want it to be.

"Honey?" Her voice creeps through my closed door and a knock follows after.

I sigh heavily and throw the covers off of my head. "Yeah!"

"Can I come in?" She asks. I groan and roll onto my back, contemplating..staring at my ceiling..thinking, thinking.

"Alex?" She sounds irritated.

"Okay!" I shout bitterly. She steps through the door and frowns at me, I'm guessing because of my sour tone.

"Alex, get up, I'm tired of you laying around." She briskly walks across my room and yanks the shades open. Blinding sunlight pours through my window.

I don't move.

She's wearing her special blouse, the expensive one. Her hair is pinned on top of her head in a neat bun and her favorite earrings are dangling from her ears. They're diamond - _He _gave them to her two Christmases ago. She places her hands on her hips and groans at the dirty clothes laying on the floor.

"Can't any of you kids just keep your rooms clean! When I was a kid, my mother always made sure I had my room clean..." She rants on and on and on and on about her childhood that I could care a less about.

I close my eyes, tuning out the sound of her voice..hoping maybe to drift back to sleep...

"You're not even listening to me, God, Alex what is with you?"

I slap my hand to the bed and roll my eyes. "What's with you? You actually don't look like shit for once."

She sets her mouth and glares, pointing her finger. "Your mouth -"

"Mom, please, I'm not five."

She gathers the clothing on the floor. "I really don't have time to argue with you. I'm going out and he'll be here any minute."

"Who?" I ask, snapping to a sitting position.

She sighs irritated. "Jason."

My head spins. "Who the hell is Jason?"

She throws the clothing into a basket and balances it on her hip. "Your language!"

"Who is Jason!?" I demand. I'm being a total bitch.

"A guy, Alex, a guy," She says, making her way out of my bedroom.

I kick the covers off of me and storm after her. "What! Mom - are you, are you _dating_ him?" I almost throw up at the word - dating, I shudder.

She can't be dating someone, she just..she just can't! How could she do this to me, to our family? How will Justin and Max feel when they know our Mother is _dating_? Again, I shudder at the word.

She sets the laundry ontop of the washer and breathes out, looking up at me. "Yes," She hisses through her teeth.

My head spins, I feel dizzy and my knees buckle.

"Alex?" Her voice sounds far away. "Alex!"

Black.

**Author's Note:** Haha, your-hollywood-tragedyx3(sp?) thanks for your review! I always appreciate your reviews whenever you post them, there always so thoughtful.

And I am coming back to _Today_, but I'm currently stuck on the 18th chapter..I'm working it everyday though so please, _Today _friends don't fret, I will update eventually. As for this story - I'm on a roll here. I have so much planned, I've written alot of chapters in advance. Well, I hope you all enjoy, lot's more to come!

Leave Your Thoughts.

xoAllison(:


End file.
